TO ALL THE DRUNK WOMEN: 19 CLUES TO CALLING IT A NIGHT
You Know You're Really Drunk When:

1. You have absolutely no idea where your shoes are.

2. You've just had to get someone to help you pull your pants up in the ladies room.

3. You suddenly decide you want to kick someone's ass.

4. In your last trip to "pee" you realize you now look more like Tammy Faye Baker than the goddess you were just four hours ago.

5. You drop your 3:00 a.m. burrito on the floor, pick it up and carry on eating.

6. You start crying.

7. There are less than three hours before you're due to start work.

8. You've found a deeper side to the geek sitting next to you.

9. The man you're flirting with used to be your 5th grade teacher (okay... he was my high school principle's husband...)

10. The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table and sing becomes strangely overwhelming.

11. You've forgotten where you live.

12. You've started to sound like Jessie Ventura from the 60 cigarettes you've smoked, because (as you've mentioned like 10 times by now) you only smoke when you drink.

13. You yell at the bartender, who (you think) cheated you by giving you just Coke, but that's just because you can no longer taste the rum.

14. You think you're in bed, but your pillow feels strangely like pizza.

15. You start every conversation with a booming, "Don't take this the wrong way but..."

16. You fail to notice that the toilet lid's down when you sit on it.

17. Your sloppy hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves.

18. You're tired so you just sit on the floor (and why not!).

19. You show your friends that girls can pee standing up if they really want to.

20. You believe that dancing with your arms overhead and wiggling your butt while yelling "Woo-Hoo!" is truly the sexiest dance move around.

21. You've suddenly decided that you want to kick someone's ass....and you honestly believe you could do it too.

22. You get extremely excited and jump up and down every time a new song play's because "Oh my God! This is my favorite song!"

23. You take off your shoes because you believe it's their fault that you're having problems walking straight.