One Person's Dream, Another Person's Nightmare
~Part XIII - Between the Raindrops~
By: JoAnna Martin

When I opened my eyes
I thought I was still dreaming.
My mother was standing over me
looking at me with tear-filled, vacant eyes
while she gently but absently stroked my arm.
When she noticed me staring back,
she began screaming with excitement.
"She’s awake!  Oh, God, it’s Sara!  She’s awake!"
The room was extremely bright
and smelled like a mixture of
bleach, cleaning products, and a medicine cabinet.
The bed was too soft and made my back ache.
My wrists were sore, too.
Three people quickly responded to my mom’s screams
and suddenly, they were all at my bedside.
It took a few minutes for my mind to register
but I finally realized I was in a hospital
with a doctor shining a flashlight in my eyes.
He also changed the bandages on my wrists
and removed the IV from my arm.
He stood in front of my mom and explained,
"Her condition is stable.  She’s going to turn out OK.  
But I think she should get some more rest.  You can come back later."
My mom stayed a few minutes more
and we talked until the doctor returned and
authoritatively and said that visiting hours were over.
He led my mom out of the room
and shut the door behind him.
Time really hadn’t lapsed that much
since I have been away.
All anybody knows is that
I tried to commit suicide.
A man out walking his dog
stumbled upon my body, 
bleeding but still alive,
slumped up against the willow tree.
He scooped me up and put me in his truck
and quickly brought me here.
My mom blamed herself, naturally.
I tried to explain that it wasn’t her fault
and that I don’t remember 
what happened or why
but that I was sorry
for what I had put her through.
She didn’t understand or accept that
but I just couldn’t tell her 
what really happened.
She wouldn’t believe me anyway.
Would anyone?
She embraced me and
did not let go for a long time.  
My mom was so grateful that I lived.
I know that this incident
is going to bring us much closer,
closer than ever before.
I guess when you almost lose a loved one
and they pull through in the end,
you begin to appreciate them more
and the fact that they are 
an important part of your life.
It’s a lot worse if you do lose that person though.
It seems like your life is falling apart.
Sometimes life falls apart so fast
that you don’t have time to stop
and pick up all the pieces.
As for me,
I’ll be able to.
Damien and my dance with death
are what will make that that possible.
They taught me to appreciate life.
But it will take some time.
I’m glad I was given another chance.
Once the line of death is crossed,
who’d imagine it could be recrossed the other way. 
There was no doubt I was dead
but I guess it was not my destiny.
I’m supposed to be here 
a little while longer
according to Damien.
After going through all this
my heart will still be with him
and his will always be with me.
This I know because
after everyone left the room,
I finally unclenched my fist
to get my first look at the treasure
which proved to me
that what happened today was real
and not something I dreamed up in delirium.
It was a black onyx heart pendant
on a sterling silver chain.
I knew exactly what he was trying to say. 
Symbolically, it was his heart,
his black heart,
for he is now an evil being
but he’s still the light of my life 
and he always will be.
Without thinking,
I put the necklace around my neck.
Damien was right when he said
his heart would be beside mine-
the necklace was just the right length     
as to where it hung over my heart. 
I held it for a long time, 
reluctant to let go,
but the doctor came back to check my vitals.
He asked where the necklace came from,
sure that he would’ve noticed it
had it been there before.
"A dear friend came to visit 
and he gave it to me."
He nodded his approval.
It sounded believable.
What reason would he have to doubt me?
It wasn’t a lie.
It just wasn’t the whole truth.
Well, after a full recovery I was finally discharged
with directions on caring for my wounds,
which would heal just fine.
I was only in the hospital for a few days
but it felt so good to be home
even though it was raining outside as usual.
I stood staring out my window
not even looking at anything in particular.
I was just sort of looking 
between the raindrops,
deep in thought.
I knew I would not be the same for a very long time-
maybe even for the rest of my life.
Sleep would not come easy
for I would always fear 
what dreams may come.
What the eyes have seen,
the mind can never forget.
Through all the Hell I’ve been through
(no pun intended)
I know it’s going to affect and haunt 
my subconscious in my sleep 
and I will relive the nightmare
over and over again, 
the nightmare that I don’t even want to remember.
On the other hand,  
Damien is to come to me in my sleep.
Again, I am caught between
a rock and a hard place.
Do I sleep? Do I stay awake? 
Ah, who cares?  
I think I’ll just let things
take their own course from now on.
You really can’t mess with fate.
I learned that the hard way.
Many probably wonder,
what even made me journey to Hell?
The answer is simple. 
I wanted to be with Damien 
so I could find stability again.
That was all I wanted.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t all I got.
In time, perhaps others will learn
of the madness and pain I have suffered
and that all I have seen is darkness
with the path that I had chosen.
There was no light at the end of that tunnel.
I know others will try what I have
and take the road that I took
and so my prayers are with them.
They might not have a second chance like I did.
I was just lucky, I guess.
There is a road of happiness for everyone.
You just have to recognize the right road and take it.
I didn’t at first 
but at least I’m on the right one now,
thanks to Damien.
To some people though,
the Road to Hell is the right one
and the other shall remain untaken.
It doesn’t matter where you go as long as your happy.
There are many feelings and opinions
about Hell and what it really is.
Who’s to say what it is exactly.
I know I can’t.
It all depends on how you perceive it.
It can be one person’s dream,
but another person’s nightmare.


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