DEATH

I don't like to show it
i Keep it to myself
the cuts on my arms 
the bleeding on my wrists
i'm running out of time
i don't know what to do 
somebody please help me
"Angila wake up, wake up angila"
sorry mommy your to late, 
but is daddy going to be at my funeral?
you know how he hates to be late for work
do you think it would be to much trouble?
and grandma and gramdpa
you know they hate to come visit
they're always saying we're a dysfunctional family
up until last night
i thought it was a lie
But then again, when daddy said goodbye
i thought he was lying too
until he said i had a new little brother
and i was thinking when mom have a new baby?
then i understood the concept
and that's why daddy wasn't at home anymore
just think i'm no longer a problem
now you can all be happy again.



LIFE 
 
"I want to feel something,
I want to live,
I don't want to be controled,
and I want to be free."
 
You say you don't understand
but I can tell you do
the reason i took my life 
does not bother you
 
i hear you cry sometimes
in the middle of the night
i act like i am asleep
but really, i am not
 
you scream, i cringe
you call my name, i cry
i sit here, upon my cloud
while you suffer, because i have died
 
i left for a reason
but, you still don't understand
i used to cut
and you didn't care
 
what kind of person are you?
not caring what i do
not knowing where iam,
and you call yourself a parent
 
i'd sit down to talk
you'd get up and leave
i'd say, "wait"
and you'd say," why"
 
so really what i am getting at
is that you don't care at all
and guess what, i don't either
so after all, suicide was, my way to go.
 
"i want to feel something,
i want to leave,
i don't want to be controled,
and i want to be free."
 
Do you see what you have done to me?



EMOTIONS

Have you ever been single
and wished you weren't 
then when you finally do have someone
you want to be single
it's already a screwed up world
then your emotions get a hold of you
they get in the way 
then when they ask
"Why would she kill herself?"
most people would blame you
but really you're thinking 
you dumbasses
maybe if you were there for me more
helped me out more 
maybe i'd still be here!
see there they go again
these damn emotions
why can't we just be plain
like all the same
no, we'd be to blame
for all the shame
that this crapy world has to offer
I've always wounderd
if other planets look down on us
and laugh
cause i would!
so this is why i killed myself
because i can't take
the humiliation
that this crapy world 
has to offer!



L.O.V.E.

Love,
What is love?
something you say 
but doesn't mean anything? 
or is it
something you feel?
either way your screwed
you never wanna fall in love
and if you already are,
in love that is
well, have a nice life!
'cause it's not gonna last that long
unless it's really a true love
and then in that case
watch out
because he or she
can come back and bite you on the ass
and by bite you on the ass 
i mean
break your heart
see i've been there
and it's not to pretty
he loved me 
or so he said he did
and i, well i loved him 
really i did
but he had to be a dumbass
and break me heart
so this is why 
my mother
is reading my final thought
if it had not been for him 
i would not be lying here,
in my oun blood,
i am slowly going,
but that's alright 
'cause this pain is nothing
compared to my 
broken heart!



ON THE EDGE

as i sit here alone
in my bedroom 
there's no one here
but me and the razor
that i have 
pressed against my wrist
1drop, 2 drops, 3 drops of blood now
it doesn't hurt not one bit
what does hurt though
is when people ask why
phycologysts, moms, dads, friends
it pisses you off ater a while 
because what is the real answer?
stress, no
family problems, no
school, no
boyfriend, what boyfriend?
some people say it relives mental pain
what if you don't have mental pain? what if you cut because you can?
what's that called?
either way you're still considerd a freak
people don't understand
you cut because you can
you feel you have the power 
over at least one thing in your life
and then they try to take it away
which makes you want to do it even more
and it gets to a point to where it is so bad 
that you go overboard, then it's
"yes, hello i would like to make an appointment to pick out a casket."
then you realize that was my mom on the phone
as the paramedic is covering up your dead body.
so tell me was it worth it?



REINCARNATION

some people say death is scary
i say it's a way out.
with out having to worry
what your next life is going to be like
as long as you don't have to live this one anymore, right?
i've always woundered 
what the after life is like
if there is an afterlife
if there isn't that's ok
but if there is then what's the use of saying "dead?"
if we all come back
in another form of life
then we're technically not "dead"
our old life is.
sure it may hurt the people around us
but they'll get over it
and they'll see when they die 
that we don't really die
we just come back as new people
some better, some not
either way
it's better than having your spirt being
buried six feet under. 

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